{1}{1}29.97
{60}{79}FUTURAMA|
{80}{249}FUTURAMA|Bigfoot's choice
{380}{530}Portion 61. - S5E4 - 4ACV01|Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
{1200}{1327}Schman! The great rad-spot is mega-sweet for party boarding.
{1330}{1362}Indeed!
{1365}{1417}Any calls while I was out?
{1420}{1567}Yeah... you got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple of hours ago.
{1570}{1629}My Kiffie called?
{1695}{1717}Kif?
{1720}{1832}Oh, Amy, you're back! Another hour and I would have thought about hanging up.
{1835}{1902}Why didn't you just leave a message, sweetie?
{1905}{2013}Well, I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine,
{2016}{2077}but you ??? never seem to them.
{2080}{2107}Bender!
{2110}{2217}It's not my fault if you don't check me.
{2280}{2322}Messages erased.
{2325}{2534}Oh dearest. This long-distance relationship is too much to bear! When even an inch separates
{2537}{2727}us I quiver with misery! So you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years!
{2730}{2852}Kif... Don't cry, or you'll get a tummy-ache.
{2855}{2972}Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could...
{2975}{3032}Oh-ho, what's this!
{3090}{3267}Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan Leela?
{3270}{3417}Say again? You're breaking up.
{3420}{3492}Good news, everyone!
{3495}{3659}You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7.
{3662}{3732}Scruffy's rolling out a large pill.
{3735}{3887}You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way!
{3890}{4057}We could, but we won't! It's a space ship, dammit, not a prom limousine!
{4060}{4215}Ooooh! If anyone needs if, I'll be in the Angry Dome.
{4285}{4350}@#$%^&*
{4450}{4637}This is a very long trip, so we'll all have to hibernative naptosis to save oxygen.
{4640}{4753}@#$%^&* breathing ... oxygen @#$%^&*
{5490}{5549}Here I come, Kif!
{5765}{5845}Ha ha ha, they jumped right out of their pants!
{5920}{5965}Approaching vessel!
{5968}{6002}Collision imminent!
{6005}{6100}Oh, what now. Activate glass window.
{6205}{6407}Kif, I'm sensing a very sensual disturbance in the force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy.
{6410}{6472}Yes, sir, captain!
{6970}{6987}Ááá!
{6990}{7082}How about I help you finish that dream you were having about me?
{7085}{7201}I was just at this part...
{7265}{7357}Oh! Let's try that a little lower, and a lot softer.
{7370}{7502}Imagine you stewing away and stealing a licensed starship!
{7505}{7612}Ooh, it's so romantic it gives me the shivers!
{7615}{7682}I don't care how much trouble I get in. 
{7685}{7827}I needed to feel my lips pressed against your lip-less beak.
{7830}{7943}Oh, Amy. I can't stand having a whole universe between us.
{7946}{8112}I've been thinking a lot about this, and, well, would you move in with me?
{8115}{8213}Here? But wouldn't it be crowded?
{8230}{8355}Oh no, no, it's really twice the size!
{8358}{8507}You can use the floor, and I'll have the ceiling, see?
{8510}{8697}Kif! You have so much creativity and niceness, but I'm not sure if I...
{8700}{8801}Hush! Before you answer, come thither.
{8822}{8852}HOLO-SHED|OCCUPADO
{8855}{8997}This is the Holo-Shed. It can simulate anything you desire, and nothing can hurt you...
{9000}{9122}except when it malfunctions and the holograms become real.
{9125}{9192}Well, that probably won't happen this time.
{9195}{9312}I wanted to show you what life could be like if we were together.
{9315}{9422}Computer, run program "KIF 1".
{9470}{9529}To je tak nádherné.
{9595}{9689}This is so beautiful! Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted,
{9692}{9772}but my parents said I had too many ponies already.
{9775}{9924}Yes, I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC.
{9927}{10047}And if this isn't the life you want, how about this?
{10050}{10124}Run program "KIF 2".
{10190}{10227}Oh, Kif!
{10230}{10376}We could live here at the shore of the tranquilibrious sea in a time-share.
{10379}{10532}And I would pluck the moon from the sky just to see you smile.
{10560}{10676}Almost got it... Seems to be sort of stuck... 
{10770}{10829}I love you!
{10960}{11043}Run program "KIF://3"!
{11165}{11257}This isn't bad. My aunt had a place like this.
{11260}{11373}Amy, we could live in a bus-station bathroom for all I care.
{11376}{11487}As long as we're together, it'll feel like a castle to me.
{11490}{11606}Kif... I'd love to live with you--
{11609}{11777}Some day. But before then, there's still lots I wanna do on my own.
{11785}{11817}What was that?
{11820}{12071}Oh dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with the tele... Oh...
{12110}{12169}Look! Spirit!
{12220}{12399}And there's Professor Moriati! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!
{12440}{12557}Right'o, gents, it's another simulation gone mad,
{12560}{12691}so it's murder and mayhem, standard procedure.
{12758}{12898}Real Holographic Simulated Evil Lincoln is BACK!
{13160}{13247}The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again, the characters turned real!
{13250}{13437}Damn, the last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits!
{13440}{13482}Oh!
{13485}{13564}Listen up, history's greatest villains,
{13567}{13662}get back into the Holo-Shed before I start blasting.
{13665}{13857}Stop! No shoot fire-stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!
{13860}{14027}Spare me your space-age techno-babble, Attila the Hun!
{14310}{14362}Oh.
{14365}{14424}Hey.
{14470}{14507}Jéééj.
{14510}{14569}Kif! Hold on!
{14575}{14634}I totally want to!
{14745}{14782}Leela: Remain (???)
{14785}{14844}-Overhere (???)|-Hold me, oh, ???!
{14875}{14934}A have good one (???)
{15105}{15164}Ah, men...
{15180}{15317}Phew. After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.
{15445}{15555}Sick bay & Horta burn clinic
{15610}{15727}Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging,
{15730}{15847}and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone up here is fine.
{15850}{15897}Yeah.
{15900}{15957}Oh, and Kif is pregnant.
{15960}{16019}Ah!
{16045}{16104}Oh joy!
{16253}{16343}Amy, isn't it wonderful, I'm pregnant!
{16346}{16444}Yes, it's great... a great miracle.
{16464}{16562}And not one of those bogus everyday miracles like a sunrise.
{16565}{16595}Aren't you a male?
{16598}{16792}Yeah, what's the deal? Just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's something else!
{16795}{16852}Let me at him!
{16897}{17018}Look, I'm sure we're all a little unclear on how anyone gets pregnant, so Kif,
{17021}{17159}(???) explain, and don't spare the dirty words were appropriate.
{17162}{17307}Well, it's quite simple really. When one of my species experiences
{17310}{17421}deep feelings of love, we enter a so-called "receptive state".
{17424}{17498}You disgust me. Go on.
{17504}{17655}At that point, our skin becomes a semi-permeable membrane which allows
{17658}{17810}the passage of genetic material. I held Amy's hand, and voila.
{17813}{17908}Well, OK, but that better be all there is.
{17920}{17979}Oh, Amy, you'll be a mother!
{18118}{18144}"Baby on board"
{18147}{18318}What a wondrous affirmation of our love, and all from the touch of your hand.
{18321}{18410}Dude, hold up, remember when Zap blew a hole in the ship?
{18413}{18452}Indeed.
{18455}{18548}Kif touched everyone there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother?
{18551}{18652}Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif?
{18660}{18809}Well, I suppose I might have got pregnant that way, or even from a toilet seat,
{18812}{18921}though that's impossible since I have a private washroom.
{18924}{18973}Ah, my home away from home.
{18976}{19202}By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun", not "kill".
{19233}{19335}Look, Kif, I probably am the mother, although maybe I'm not.
{19338}{19489}Of course I hope I am, but just in case I'm not, maybe we should have a test.
{19492}{19583}A test! I demand a test!
{19710}{19830}Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species
{19833}{19951}genetic analyzer, but I guess I showed myself.
{19955}{20053}Subjects, please enter the chamber.
{20185}{20263}Now to take a DNA sample.
{20515}{20717}When I pull this switch, the maternafuge will spin at ten thousand RPM,
{20720}{20868}separating out anyone who isn't the mother, eh, father... whatever.
{21060}{21099}Faster! Faster!
{21375}{21551}Good. Fry's ejection indicated that he is not the man-momma. Nor is captain Branigan.
{21624}{21673}Ani kapitán Brannigan.
{21676}{21744}Oh thank you, merciful God.
{21790}{21897}Zoidberg? What the hell were you doing in there?
{21900}{21989}That's were I live. I have no home!
{22245}{22310}Amy? But that means...
{22545}{22669}Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand.
{22672}{22782}That explains the posturing hygiene class. No glove, no love!
{22785}{22859}Wow, this is all so confusing.
{22865}{23051}Leela! How could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred, and now this?
{23054}{23127}Stop testing our love!
{23130}{23322}Oh please, captain. I thank Leela for the DNA she gave me, but in my species, the true parent
{23325}{23542}in the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the smismar,
{23545}{23607}and my smismar is Amy.
{23610}{23707}So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?
{23710}{23767}"Zorgnax's pub"|"We believe any I.D."
{23770}{23838}Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant.
{23841}{24024}That's OK. At least Kif's baby shower should be fun. I'd better put it on my calender.
{24027}{24147}Thursday, baby shower, enter.
{24150}{24288}Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode!
{24340}{24399}motherhood
{24520}{24579}To motherhood!
{24753}{24797}It's wonderful baby...
{24800}{24859}Zoidberg.
{24967}{25055}Mom, dad, I know this is weird, but...
{25058}{25217}Yeah yeah, we don't care how squishy alien get pregnant, all we care is that we have grand-child now.
{25220}{25277}You are very open minded, Mrs. Wong.
{25280}{25332}Hey, you call her "grandma" now!
{25335}{25421}Call me "grandma" like crazy, all the time!
{25424}{25513}Check it out, y'all! Everyone we invited is here...
{25516}{25551}Also Zoidberg!
{25554}{25613}...so let's open the gifts.
{25649}{25735}We'll start with this one from Bender.
{25890}{25948}It's my booties from when I was a kid.
{25951}{26022}They're already bronzed.
{26028}{26062}They are bronzed.
{26065}{26207}And this one's from Leela. Oh, I just love the bow,
{26210}{26267}I wonder what it is.
{26270}{26374}Yes, I wonder what "we" got you.
{26404}{26463}It's a basket! For picnics?
{26482}{26625}It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium.
{26628}{26681}You could use it for picnics.
{26684}{26749}Here, Amy, we get this one for you.
{26752}{26823}Oh, is it a party-board board?
{26857}{26952}It's a board alright. An ironing board.
{26955}{27082}We had your old party-board converted now that you not be partying anymore.
{27085}{27162}You trashed my party-board?
{27165}{27337}Damn right! Now you're mom, the only surfing you'll be doing is under a big wave of responsibility.
{27340}{27522}Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life! You all brought such wonderful gifts!
{27525}{27571}But the greatest gift...
{27574}{27591}Mine!
{27594}{27863}...is the bond I share with my smismar Amy. For soon, the quivering mass of life within me will depend
{27866}{28095}upon us both. Even now, I can sense it feeding, squirming, searching, questing... and shortly, it will renne
{28098}{28329}my loins in twain, burst forth, and pull us down, down, down into the deep, dark waters of commitment.
{28332}{28391}That's so beautiful.
{28450}{28608}Yes, it's... it's...No, I can't do this!
{29036}{29139}Oh, how could Amy leave me? When will women learn to take
{29142}{29230}responsibility for the children they've helped create?
{29265}{29293}They're quickening! My time is near.
{29296}{29391}I must return to my home world
{29394}{29477}to perform the ancient birthing rites.
{29480}{29555}Lemme know how that turns out.
{29627}{29686}Amphibios 9
{30166}{30301}I must know embark on a perilous journey to give birth in precisely
{30304}{30346}the same swamp in which I was born.
{30349}{30487}If it's so dangerous, I'd better go with you. A gal has to protect her DNA.
{30490}{30647}No, Leela. Tradition demands that I make this journey with my smismar.
{30650}{30868}And since Amy isn't here, I must go it alone. Farewell, for we may never meet again!
{31018}{31089}My scrapes feel a little better now.
{31190}{31381}Hey, what's this fat ugly thing? A frog, a toad, or your mama!
{31501}{31608}It's a poisonous Froad (???). No-one move.
{31765}{31824}I'm back, baby.
{32101}{32271}Behold, the sacred ancestral birthing grounds of my family.
{32280}{32345}Smell like a jakes trap.
{32475}{32556}I am grand mid-wife!
{32560}{32577}Hi.
{32580}{32697}I am Kif of the clan Kroaker, come to bear my young.
{32700}{32807}Then let the tea of new life be brewed.
{32810}{33001}As it is written: "And both shall lift the jug together." Where is your smismar?
{33004}{33060}She's not with me.
{33063}{33167}Oh, the sorrow! Oh, the shame!
{33180}{33266}I'm sorry, I'm probably just making you feel worse.
{33269}{33391}As long as Amy is with me in my heart, I will have the strength of two.
{33554}{33676} Apparently, Amy hasn't been working out much lately.
{33843}{33995}As the tea boils, please join hands with your beloved smismar.
{34010}{34157}Oh, right, sorry, but I memorized the ceremony by routed mention so a lot. (???)
{34160}{34198}I'll try to endure.
{34201}{34247}Good, cause I'm not changing it.
{34250}{34411}Now turn, ye two, and gaze deeply into each other's eyes.
{34435}{34482}What are you looking at?
{34485}{34697}May the love I sense between you at this moment, remain with you both through all your days.
{34785}{34857}The tea of new life is ready.
{34860}{35114}Let those whose love created this light speak each other's names, then drink.
{35205}{35232}Amy...
{35235}{35294}Kif!
{35385}{35498}Amy! Is it you, or has I gone crazy with loneliness?
{35515}{35574}Both!
{35645}{35733}I still don't know if I'm ready for this,
{35736}{35834}but I do know I love you, and I wanna be hear beside you.
{35837}{35939}Great, now I lost my place, I'm starting over!
{35942}{36031}No time! It has begun!
{36355}{36392}Neat!
{36395}{36454}You can do it, Kif!
{36870}{36938}-Hooo nilly.|-Oh man!
{37110}{37259}Amy, my love, tell me... Are they making it to the water?
{37400}{37457}Amy!
{37460}{37540}Shew! Stay away from my babies!
{37850}{37909}The birthing is complete.
{37970}{38001}Oh je, goodnes.
{38004}{38240}I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore.
{38265}{38345}-Congratulations!|-Way to go, squishy!
{38415}{38552}There goes my DNA. What a disgusting and beautiful process.
{38555}{38597}That's birth for ya.
{38600}{38676}Well, we've given them a great start, Amy,
{38679}{38852}and in twenty years they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children.
{38855}{38930}I'll be ready then.
{39378}{39578}timesync:|K5 using SubtitlesK5ky|/19-Jan-2003/