{70}{95}FUTURAMA
{330}{583}s4e06 - Where the Buggalo Roam
{1013}{1038}Yes?
{1039}{1103}Hi Dad. It's me and my co-workers.
{1111}{1193}Open up Leo. It's Amy and her weirdos.
{1196}{1284}Howdy friends! Welcome to Mars!
{1311}{1428}Thanks so much for inviting us Mr Wong. I've never been to a Mars Day barbecue.
{1431}{1543}Oh Mars Day much better than Earth Day. Dump trash wherever you want. Big empty planet!
{1546}{1586}OK then. Make yourselves at home.
{1586}{1876}Don't mind if I already did. By the way, do you have|anymore of this Dom Perringon bubble bath?|There was only enough to fill the tub halfway.
{1929}{1986}This is quite a large ranch you have.
{1989}{2110}17.9 billion acres! We own entire western hemisphere. That the best hemisphere!
{2110}{2162}It's the same on Earth!
{2220}{2414}Here is most number one product of all. The mighty buggalo. They used for everything. Meat, milk and their shells make good row boat.
{2417}{2462}I broke your television.
{2475}{2549}Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle!
{2552}{2716}Not really. We own so much stuff it easier just to brand everything that not ours.
{2719}{2768}Please don't do that!
{2813}{3015}Betsy!|This is my sweet little Betsy.|I raised her from a larva that ate one of my sweaters!
{3018}{3152}Yes everybody love Betsy!|We going to eat her at Amy's wedding.|If she ever get married!
{3155}{3264}Dad! Gleesh!|Please don't say things like that|when you meet my boyfriend tonight.
{3267}{3362}Oh that right! We finally get to spend some time with this Mr Kif!
{3365}{3543}I just hope he's a nice man who can make us lot of grandchildren! This not some parallel universe where you getting younger!
{3771}{3914}Now remember Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in!
{3923}{4009}Actually sir, I'm...I'm a little nervous about meeting her family.
{4012}{4222}That's natural. After all you're meek and uninteresting. Until now you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite.
{4225}{4259}I just hope they like me.
{4262}{4459}And why wouldn't they? Yes yes, I know. Tiny, meek and uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story Kif. And above all - have fun!
{4655}{4759}Yeah, yeah, get on down! Aww yeah drop another barnyard bomb on us Vanilla Corn!
{4762}{4855}Yo foo! It's mix master festus!
{5179}{5217}So what's Mars Day all about anyway?
{5220}{5376}It commemorate the day centuries ago when our ancestor Sir Reginald Wong bought Mars from stupid natives.
{5379}{5438}How can you call the Native Martians stupid?
{5441}{5557}They sell whole planet for|one bead. Sound stupid to me!
{5560}{5589}That is stupid!
{5592}{5716}I can't believe you're laughing at|the tragic exploitation of a proud, bead loving people.
{5719}{5761}Lighten up Leela, it's funny!
{5764}{5849}Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh!
{5900}{5967}Amy no! Not on your parent's planet!
{5970}{6100}Howdy Amy. Glad to see you've come back to the country. It's where the flavour is.
{6103}{6154}RJ. This is my boyfriend Kif.
{6157}{6275}This wimp? You've gone a long way baby.|Cigarette partner?
{6278}{6325}Oh I don't -
{6370}{6412}I haven't even lit it yet!
{6415}{6462}Oh...is it lit now?
{6462}{6482}Yep. 
{6555}{6604}You're pathetic!
{6617}{6704}Hostman! Hostwoman! I'm having a wonderful time!
{6707}{6881}You here 5 hours and already you tear up couch and draw moustache on priceless painting and fill pool with brine shrimp.
{6884}{7065}Not bad for a city boy huh?|By the way I took the liberty of fertilising your caviar.
{7158}{7217}Um...um...uh...
{7374}{7440}Just relax, I'm sure my parents will love you!
{7443}{7670}You don't understand. When I get nervous, I can't control my camoflage reflex. Oh dear! Oh goodness! Oh odds and bodkins!
{7673}{7725}I'll have a thorax and some feelers.
{7728}{7762}You want some salad with that?
{7765}{7801}Yuck!
{7804}{7857}Mom, Dad, you remember Kif?
{7860}{7923}This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him!
{7926}{7983}He too scrawny to father grandchildren!
{7986}{8061}He's not scrawny, he's just small boned.
{8064}{8187}Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid filled bladders that -
{8190}{8336}Yes yes, you big squishy wuss! Amy should be dating real man. Like him
{8339}{8481}I can be manly too. I think I'll uh, light up a smoke.
{8484}{8531}Wrong way!
{8545}{8592}Smooth!
{8660}{8794}Look on the bright side. My parents left after you passed out so, they didn't even see you barf.
{8797}{8949}Oh, now they'll never think I'm manly enough to date their daughter.
{8952}{9073}It's OK Kif. I'll go get you a tissue for your tote.
{9078}{9156}Hey there Amy. Like you to meet my buddy, Joe.
{9159}{9292}Sorry I'm late. My pool game ran long at the jazz club!
{9299}{9346}Kids love him.
{9437}{9471}What's that weird sound?
{9540}{9779}Dust storm! Oh dust storm! Everybody into house.|Hurry before we die. And wipe your damn feet.
{9782}{9856}Phew! Everyone OK? No one considering lawsuit?
{9859}{9939}Hmm, I might have mental anguish.
{9942}{10006}I'll have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet.
{10009}{10038}I'm OK then.
{10041}{10220}Storm dying down. Leo, check if buggalo herd is OK.
{10318}{10354}What happened to the buggalo?
{10357}{10433}They been rustled under cover of storm. We ruined!
{10436}{10483}Nooo!
{10525}{10581}Don't worry Daddy, it'll be OK.
{10584}{10718}Oh really? Who gonna save us? One eye?|Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can?
{10721}{10757}This sounds like a job for -
{10760}{10804}Lieutenant Kif Kroker!
{10807}{10854}Alright then.
{10991}{11167}Aye-ah! Those buggalo are what made|Wong family so rich and powerful!|Oh Inez, with them stolen, we ruined!
{11179}{11215}OK. I want a divorce.
{11218}{11294}Mom, Dad, don't ask me to choose.
{11297}{11490}They're not your parents, I'm not your|sister and that's not your golf cart!
{11522}{11646}Everybody just calm down.|Kif promised he'd catch the rustlers.
{11790}{11922}Mrs Wong, do you have a neckerchief I could borrow?
{11925}{12151}My plan is to take all the remaining buggalo and lead them on a rough tough cattle drive. Then, when the rustlers attack, I'll make a citizen's arrest!
{12154}{12285}It sounds dangerous. Someone could get killed.|Fry, Leela, Bender, I want you to go with him.
{12288}{12335}Aww man!
{12350}{12471}Don't worry Mr and Mrs Wong,|I'll get your cattle back or die trying.
{12474}{12499}Hey we can't lose!
{12501}{12613}No Kif, it's too risky! You don't have to do this to prove your manliness!
{12616}{12663}Oh yes, he does!
{12682}{12736}Here are your mounts!
{12761}{12808}She's got a fine coat.
{12814}{12909}Now, we need buggalo to lure|the rustlers. How many are left?
{12912}{13050}You're lookin' at her. Betsy's the only one left.|She was curled up in my hamper|when the storm hit.
{13105}{13160}Aww, she likes you!
{13170}{13282}Saddle up men - oo - we got some no good rustlers to - oo - catch!
{13491}{13663}We've got a right to pick a little fight with rustlers. Somebody wants to pick a fight with us, he'd better bite my ass!
{13696}{13810}Wow, look at that! Olympus Mons! The tallest volcano in the solar system!
{13813}{13845}Where?
{13848}{13895}Right in front of you!
{13925}{14003}We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there.
{14006}{14053}Where?
{14073}{14341}...and even thought the computer was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was...the Windows logo!
{14355}{14432}- Pfft, that's not scary!|- It is if you're a laser printer!
{14432}{14562}OK, my turn to tell a ghost story.|Once, there was this woman driving -
{14562}{14587}Hook on the hand!
{14588}{14653}OK, I've got one. This family -
{14656}{14681}Man in the attic!
{14681}{14779}Fine, Mr Know-it-all-about-something-finally,|you tell a story!
{14782}{14962}With pleasure. Once, not far from here,|four people set out on a cattle drive -
{14965}{15067}RobotgetsboredandkillsFrywithahammer!! Sorry go on.
{15070}{15253}...and then, while they sat helplessly around the campfire...a demented knife-wielding escaped lunatic libertairian zombie mutant snuck up and...
{15256}{15303}Surprise!
{15352}{15398}Amy? What are you doing here?
{15401}{15500}- I forgot to give you something before you left.|- What?
{15572}{15700}Is that your camoflage reflex or are you just happy to see me?
{15703}{15922}I love it out here Amy. I feel so manly. I have a blister, I-I spit! A-And of course, I tell no one my feelings.
{15925}{15962}But you still have them right?
{15965}{16072}Oh yes, but I keep them inside until I can write them in my diary.
{16075}{16134}Ah, it's a wonderful night.
{16139}{16263}It sure is. I could just lie here beside you staring at the sky all night.
{16266}{16332}I can't!
{16441}{16471}What's that?
{16471}{16549}Maybe we just made love.
{16626}{16672}The buggalo. They're in the crater.
{16675}{16741}The rustlers must have seen me coming and run off scared.
{16744}{16799}Oh Kif, you're so brave!
{16802}{16849}Shh! They'll hear us!
{16948}{16990}OK, the dynamite's in place.
{16993}{17052}Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out?
{17055}{17135}Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal.
{17138}{17158}Well actually -
{17158}{17231}Too late this is more fun!
{17325}{17411}Kif! You did it! But how did you know the dynamite would work?
{17414}{17619}I once took a seminar on ejecting chickens from a sand dune. The principle's essentially the same.
{17622}{17749}Hey, it's that "Barbecue's Over" sound again.
{17752}{17799}Sandstorm!
{18059}{18083}We're in the eye of the storm!
{18083}{18140}Where?
{18140}{18187}What's that?
{18238}{18263}Ah!|My God!
{18263}{18299}Who are they?
{18302}{18351}We are the native Martians.
{18404}{18453}Also, I didn't know buggalo could fly.
{18456}{18598}Only those who revere Mother Mars can fly buggalo. And only they shall have buggalo. And they're us.
{18601}{18734}But your, um, Martianess. These buggalo aren't yours. They belong to the Wong family.
{18755}{18872}You mean family that took all Martian land and gave us one lousy bead?
{18875}{18918}Uh-huh! Amy Wong. And you are?
{18921}{19092}Mad at Wong family! We plan to ruin them by stealing buggalo. But now we take girl instead.
{19095}{19162}Wait! I'm too rich to be kidnapped!
{19165}{19212}Amy! Nooo!
{19321}{19500}Don't worry Kif, I'm sure some other beautiful rich girl will fall in love with you!
{19830}{19877}Hooray you bring back cattle!
{19885}{19972}Yes...but...I'm afraid I've got some bad news as well.
{19989}{20100}Let Amy tell us. That way it soften the blow.
{20100}{20130}Why Amy being so quiet?
{20164}{20208}Um..well um...that is um...
{20400}{20516}Oh no! Martians kidnap Amy!|I know it them cos they no use good grammar.
{20534}{20600}I'll get your daughter back sir, I swear.
{20603}{20691}Forget it squishy. You the one lose her in the first place. You done enough.
{20691}{20794}Yeah. This time we get most decorated law man in whole universe!
{20795}{20888}You mean...? Oh no please.|I beg you! Oh for the love of -
{20891}{20986}I am the man with no name -|Zapp Brannigan at your service!
{21026}{21117}Please Mr Brannigan. We need you go get our daughter back!
{21117}{21308}Very well. I'll clean up Kif's mess. I shall go bargain with the Martian's personally.|Your gasps intrigue me. Explain.
{21319}{21502}Martians have no land. They been gentally encouraged to live on reservation deep underground. No one ever dare go there.
{21502}{21640}This mission is incredibley dangerous. Someone's|sure to be killed. Fry, Leela, Bender -
{21640}{21678}Damn you old man!
{21839}{21892}Aww look. Betsy followed you Kif!
{21950}{22050}I didn't realise you were bringing your girlfriend lieutenant!
{22062}{22102}She won't leave me alone.
{22116}{22196}Did I say girlfriend? She sounds more like a wife!
{22435}{22495}Behold. The Great Stone Face of Mars.
{22503}{22585}The only known entrance to the Martian reservation.
{22585}{22637}What about the Great Stone Ass of Mars?
{22637}{22729}Well yeah but it's way over the other side of the planet.
{22818}{22838}Noseward ho!
{23309}{23383}I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe.
{23391}{23428}Take me to your leader.
{23470}{23540}Moving along. Why you tresspass on our land?
{23540}{23710}We come to negotiate the release of Amy Wong.|And just to clairfy:|Land is the stuff that has sky over it.
{23820}{23881}They have such respect for the planet.
{23885}{23930}Cynthia used to drink Slurm.
{23985}{24055}We will give back girl once we get back planet surface.
{24055}{24095}How do we even know she's alive?
{24095}{24110}I'm fine.
{24117}{24292}Shh. You're weakening our bargaining position. How about instead, you give us the girl and we carve a bunch of our presidents into your sacred mountain?
{24292}{24386}You waste words. We want return of our land that was taken from us.
{24386}{24445}Uh, actually you traded it for a bead.
{24445}{24533}Tribe suffer heat big bears remorse. We want land back!
{24535}{24651}Chief, my people are a people of law. And that law is...|...no backsies!
{24665}{24728}The time for stupid statements is over!
{25105}{25142}Ow, ow, ow, ow. My eye!
{25380}{25424}Ma, Pa! Our precious ranch!
{25795}{25834}Amy! No! It's too windy!
{26010}{26063}Stay calm dearest! I'll save you!
{26111}{26151}Kif!|You're flying Betsy!
{26197}{26217}Need a lift?
{26297}{26353}Great Mother Mars! He has the gift!
{26561}{26645}Kroker, that was one Branniganesque feat of heroism!
{26648}{26855}We have misjudged you green one. You fly the buggalo like us. You have true reverence for Mother Mars. Let there be peace between us.
{26855}{26907}Yes. Let us smoke on peace pipe.
{26925}{26941}Smoke 'em?
{27040}{27058}Here, take.
{27086}{27143}Oo, no thanks. I'm on the peace patch.
{27143}{27241}You must smoke peace pipe. And you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you.
{27241}{27304}Well it's just really that I don't uh -
{27325}{27457}Don't be such a chicken Kif. Teenagers all smoke and they seem pretty on the ball.
{27585}{27606}Yeah suck it!
{27618}{27673}Hey I'm smoking! I'm the greatest!
{27859}{27890}Oh monkey trumpets!
{27945}{28035}You have coughed at our offer of peace. So you must die!
{28037}{28154}The very bead used to crush our dreams shall be used to crush your bones.
{28157}{28295}Well actually I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid filled bladders -
{28395}{28471}Wait. That's the bead you traded your land for?
{28473}{28561}It's a gigantic diamond!|That thing must be worth a fortune.
{28561}{28573}Really?
{28815}{28903}Oh Chief you've made me the happiest girl in the world!
{28915}{29026}Y'know, if you still want your land, we could just trade back for it.
{29028}{29180}Hmm. We always thought bead was worthless. We assumed our ancestors were cheated because they not have concept of ownership.
{29180}{29206}So we can have the diamond?
{29206}{29388}No. We do have concept of ownership. You are free to go. Sorry about all the rustling and kidnapping.
{29407}{29451}But what about your sacred land?
{29451}{29713}Land shmand! We don't wanna live on this planet.|It's a dump. We'll buy new planet and act like it's|sacred. With cash like this, who's going to argue?|Nobody that's who.
{29885}{30009}Then Kif flew Betsy, rescued me|from the tornado and made peace with the Martians.
{30009}{30033}Please! He too much of a wimp!
{30033}{30112}Yeah. I'm sure it was all Mr Zapp Brannigan here!
{30143}{30204}Please. You give me too little credit.
{30225}{30331}Captain Brannigan,|you're always welcome here at Ranch O'Zoidberg!
{30395}{30471}Urgh! Money doesn't make good people, no siree!
{30589}{30673}Thanks for saving my life Kif!|You're my hero.
{30684}{30781}Oh, you're kind. But your parents still don't like me.
{30781}{30927}Well globviously! But if they liked you then I wouldn't. Don't you know anything about girls?
{31197}{31276}Dear diary, I just made love for the second time!
{31400}{31550}created by ProTroN@seznam.cz|from transcript and czech subtitles|2002-03-02